I'm not afraid of them.  But they do make me sad.

Indeed. Stick to the bottle.

Its a waiter/waitress issue.

Glass half empty/glass half full?    

Easily solved, always drink out of a big enough glass, tankard or mug that when you get half of it drank you have a sense of accomplishment, take a breath and drink the remainder, then fall on your...........      

Just drink out of the pitcher

Just drink out of the bottle. What's the matter with yall...

Okay, so explain for us how that changes the container you are drinking out of getting becoming half full/empty?  

Also does this require the individual to be standing on their head?    

Requires said person to be sitting down as standing up may be all wobbly at best. 

So, folks suffering from Cenosillicaphobia are optimists by fear?